Bed jokes

Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.

What's the difference between me and you?

I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!

What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?

A cherry float.

What is found under Michael Jackson's pillow?

Billie's jeans.

You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.

Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)

Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?

1 like = 1 kid in the bed with me.

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.

Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.

Why does Darth Vader always choke people?

Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.

What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.

My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.

What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.

I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.

Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.

What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.

Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.

What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?

Panera fed.

Credit to RogueRobot for this one:

What does Panera sleep in?

Panera bed.