A train walks into a bar. It says to the barkeeper, "I'll have a gallon of ale." "A gallon?" the barkeeper asks. "Yes," replies the train, "I always end up chugging it."
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down. How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
Why do ghosts go to bars?
For the boos!
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him Rachel said. Watch two martial arts movies , eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar. Jim replied with a shocked look, that's what I do after Mr tugman shakes my hand to long.
You go up to a bar and say hi he doesn’t look at you you keep saying hi he says what then you realize that he is the one that u stole his lady from but then he doesn’t give you any drink you say why he screams at you and then says YOUR FIVE
I encountered a milf at a bar last night although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy
we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time
then, she asked me flirtatiously
"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"
I said, "Nope, not yet".
She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."
So she took me to her place.
She took out her keys
opens her door
turn on the light
and she yells towards upstairs
"Mom, are you still awake?”
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted. The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing." "What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun. "Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road."
Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair
few jokes (sorry if they have already been used.) 1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall. 3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks. 4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans. 5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course! 6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here." 7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler. 8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights
my wife and i went to the bar to get a drink but 2 mins later i see her dead on the ground i guess she couldent see the bottle flying at her face then i laughed and went home.
a man walks into a bar he see's a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer, he gets on his hands and knees and prays to god out loud, the bar tender says, why are you praying? He says, because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand.
A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink, the bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk, the lady complained about this but then the bartender said, "just shut up and swallow"
Little johnny is a trucker, he stops at a bar. johnny sees a sign that says hamburgers for two dollers, cheeseburger for three dollars, handjob for ten dollars. he walks up to the bartender and whispers to her, "are you the one that gives the handjobs for ten dollars?" she replies "yes, thats me" johnny says "well can you wash your hands because i want a cheeseburger"
Why did Orphans have to drink there own piss? Because last time they went to the bar they went with there dad and drank some corona then got drunk and started eating someones toenails so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody has to evacuate the bar then the Orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldnt die and loved it so then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on youtube and the boy became famous so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk then the little boy became really rich
Momma's House-By-watersharky Productions and Dustin Lynch- I see your face on every street, every corner, couple trees Even got her name on 'em I feel your love, I hear your laugh, got them take me way on back Hurt me memories, I don't want 'em Up and down the boulevard In and out of every bar I'd burn this whole town down Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground Baby, I'd burn this whole town down If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass I'd burn this whole town down If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house I would start it where we started, at the downtown party Where you kissed my lips and stole my beer The city park in the dark where we looked up at the stars Watched them fireworks pop last year It started under that Texaco sign where you said goodbye I'd get some gas and drop a match right there I'd burn this whole town down Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground Baby, I'd burn this whole town down If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass I'd burn this whole town down If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house Fire red flames, sunsets in the sky Going out, staying in, staying up long nights Now I'm waking up alone, wishing I could move on Blocked your number in my phone, thought it help but it don't I'd burn this whole town down Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground Baby, I'd burn this whole town down If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass I'd burn this whole town down If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UADjpQQwxYgFtaj8zX7AlpG5JlN4mmJelBFszgvmHHY/edit :Copy and past in ur search bar to see watersharky's worst picture on HIS OWN DOCS.
Midgit
A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.
They should have ducked.
a man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion. maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.
