Are jokes

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.

All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?

Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?

Me: It's an autobiography.

The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.

People claim that Trump has Russian ties.

FAKE NEWS!

All of Trump's ties are made in China.

I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.

Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are bad.

Sure, white Americans all treat Trump like a deity and are proud of their heritage of enslaving blacks.

But Canadians and Australians don't throw a hissy fit every time they see someone not white, and they don't think Europe is a country.

They say people are 75% water.

But I'm 100% useless.

Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.

I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"

Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.

Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. 😭💀

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.

Dark jokes are like water; some people just don't get it.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.

Brojobs are like air. It's not important until you don't have any.

There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.