And jokes

Do you know why 6 is afraid of 7? Why? Because 7 ate 9 (8).

Do you know why 10 is scared? Why? Because he is between 9 and 11.

If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

What is old, cold, and alone?

An orphan's parents.

My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.

I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.

Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:

You) I 1 poopoo

(Them) I 2 poopoo

(You) I 3 poopoo

(Them) I 4 poopoo

(You) I 5 poopoo

(Them) I 6 poopoo

(You) I 7 poopoo

(Them) I 8 poopoo

And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”

What should I write a joke about? Name the subject, and I’ll make a joke about it.

An emo kid sees his clothes hanging to dry, and he says to his clothes, "I wish I were you!"

Why have there been so many deaths around the world?

Trees and ropes.

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...

An emo and a leaf fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag.

Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

Guys, what do you call an un-aborted and parentless child?...

An orphan.

I dressed up as Darth Vader at an orphanage and said, "I am your father!"