And jokes

In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.

Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.

A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

I've come to the conclusion that Trump is the fifth Teletubby.

He's fat, orange, and speaks in gibberish all the time.

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?

A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.

Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?

A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.

"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."

"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."

Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"

Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."

What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?

About a few thousand miles.

Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?

A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.

Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?

A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.