Alike jokes
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.
Say this out loud: Alpha Kenny One.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
You look like a burger.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
What's small, has no dad, and looks like Bugs Bunny?
Ben after he trips over the giant curb!
Why were Adam and Eve's sons so much alike? Because Cain was Abel minded!
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.