Absence jokes

I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.

What is an orphan's favorite movie?

Daddy's Home.

Why did the kid cry?

His dad didn't get the milk.

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

Did you know an orphan is deeply religious because they can finally call someone "father."

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

Why do orphans have gross cakes?

Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.

Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?

A. He was trying to phone home.

My dad went to get milk from Tesco’s.

He never came back.

I saw a kid on the curb while I was on a walk, and he was in baggy clothes, and I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "Yeah." And the orphan said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Ur parents."

What do you call a picture of an orphan?

A family portrait.

Why do orphans love boomerangs?

They come back.

How come an orphan can't work for SC Johnson?

Because it's a family company.

Why are orphans bad at hide and seek?

Because they can’t find their parents.

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?

Nothing, they both ran off.

It's been 2 years since I've been on this. Hello, guys!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.

Miss you dad.

Why can't Sally swing?

Because she has no arms.

Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.

Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?

Everywhere.

I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.