Absence jokes
So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Daddy's Home.
I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.
Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?
A. He was trying to phone home.
My dad went to get milk from Tescoโs.
He never came back.
Why do orphans have gross cakes?
Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.
How come an orphan can't work for SC Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
Whatโs the difference between your dad and your hairline?
Nothing, they both ran off.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They donโt know what a full house looks like.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their dad left and never came back home with the milk.
What's a benefit of being an orphan?
No one makes yo mama jokes to you.
How are you and an orphan similar?
Both of your fathers are invisible.
Q: Why did the orphan cross the road?
A: To get to the other side to find his parents.
There was no other side of the road.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.
Miss you dad.
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"