Absence jokes
What do you call a picture of an orphan?
A family portrait.
Why did the kid cry?
His dad didn't get the milk.
So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
They come back.
I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Daddy's Home.
How come an orphan can't work for SC Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
Why are orphans bad at hide and seek?
Because they can’t find their parents.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?
Nothing, they both ran off.
How are you and an orphan similar?
Both of your fathers are invisible.
Why are orphans always famous?
Because they say, "Go big or go home," and orphans only have one option.
Me: Hey, are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
Q: Why did the orphan cross the road?
A: To get to the other side to find his parents.
There was no other side of the road.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their dad left and never came back home with the milk.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.