In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.
Hey Siri, where is my dad? Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas. HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen! Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas. ...WhAT-
What's the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They're both pointless.
I have no father or no milk. Like if you relate.
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong
A man walks into a bar, he takes a seat and asks the barmen if he wanted to hear a blonde joke, the barmen replies before you tell this joke I want to tell you something, see the women over there, she is a black belt in karate, she's blonde , see the bouncer over there he is also a blonde, see the chick over there with that pool que she is also blonde, also I have a shotgun behind the bar i'm blonde, so do you still want to tell your joke? He replies f**k that I ain't explaining the joke 4 times.
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies
My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.
What do K-mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have boys pants half off.
Mama Mia’s pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is our sauce.
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."
What’s Michael Jackson’s favourite Piano note? A Minor
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live." The man says " 10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?" The doctor calmly replies "Nine"
We’re skipping April fools day this year, the biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country
What's an orphan's favorite Spiderman movie?
"Spiderman: No Way Home."
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
"Rehab's for quitters and I don't give up."
They'll never do reverse cowgirl because you never turn your back on family
