"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
Worst Jokes Ever
"Captain, captain, the armadillo has been sighted by the lizard!"
Me and bro talking about direct objects at 1 a.m. because we don’t know English.
You're really special.
But the R in special is silent.
I’d make fun of transgender women, but that’s low hanging fruit.
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
Q. What's Jeffery Dahmer's favorite song?
A. "Pieces of You."
What do you call a black woman?
A Nigg-girl.
Did you know I can't count to whatever number is after 4?
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
If the American Dream exists, why is it always filmed in Canada?
What do you call the Illuminati when they take over the world and control everything?
The Jew World Order.
What do you call a peso?
A wetback greenback.
What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
When Canadians get hurt, they don't go "ouch," they go "ooch!"
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
My favorite meme is, "N_gga."
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?
