Worst Jokes Ever
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
What is the difference between Trump and a flying pig? The letter F.
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
There was a power outage.
My family is like a treasure.
You need a map and shovel to find them.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?
Get out of my son!
They are making a movie about clocks.
It’s about time.
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"
Doctor: "To the morgue."
Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."
Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.