Worst Jokes Ever

What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

A stab wound.

What is a paedophile’s favourite symphony?

Amadeus Mozart’s special flute in A minor.

What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?

Little boys' pants half off.

Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic.

What's so special about bullets?

They do work after they are fired.

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.

So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.

Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."

Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."