Worst Jokes Ever
Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?
Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?
Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
Deku: Hey, Todoroki?
Shoto: Wht?
Deku: I just found out on the news that your dad froze to death. Do you know who did it?
Shoto: :)
What did they do with his body when he died?
They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry?
I don't know. I forgot.
WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.
Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.
What is the definition of African-American Vienna sausages?
cocks of African-American men
Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?
Yo mama’s official weight (in tonnes)
99593927273949592827385959599282738595939282759593827395828192948472937593817294728275957292739584728459398284854982835884838285849292857483838385838294958483823884958383947391959593817495827394858272959573939488492949595837829374758483848497483919396849294858203957293858930375938475937393949292949848215722935375838283848382883839393949583929459939294949493928174759284759927495910305838385848292958293959.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.
What do you call a skeleton's erection?
A boner.
Why haven’t any women gone to the moon?
A: It doesn’t need to be cleaned.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Yo mama so fat, she is one of the boulders in Indiana Jones.
Dad, why are we here?
Because you're not loved.
I just found out that there is a racist stereotype about Asians being bad drivers, which isn't true... but if it is, then maybe Pearl Harbor was just an accident.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.