Worst Jokes Ever
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
Girl: I've been an orphan since I was three.
Boy: Knock knock.
Girl: ...Who's there?
Boy: Not your parents!
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.
I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.
It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.
Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."
"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."
I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.
Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?
'Cause she always dropped them.
What’s New York’s favorite game?
2001 flight simulator.
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"
Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.
(She's blind and deaf)
There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.
There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂
What do you call a blind German?
A notsee.