Worst Jokes Ever

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

So, Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's. So he goes home and asks his mom, who's cooking, "What's the first letter of the ABC's?" He asks, and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!"

So then he walks to his sister, who's singing in the shower, and asks her, "What's the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" She responds with "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" Then he walks over to his brother, who's watching Batman, and asks, "What's the 3rd letter of the ABC's?" and his brother responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then he proceeds to walk to his dad, who's watching football, and asks, "Dad, what's the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" Then he walks to his grandma, who's cooking buns, and asks her, "What's the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" Then Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day, and the teacher says to her class, "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's?" Johnny, of course, raises his hand, and the teacher calls on him. Then he says, "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" Then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says, "Young man, are you ready to go to the principal's office?" Then he proceeds to say, "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principal's office. Then she says, "What's your name, son?" He responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then the principal asks, "How many spankin's, boy?!" He responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" and after that, he runs out of the principal's office while yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the British bastard and get the egg roll.

Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!

No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.

Yo mama so ugly Joe Biden was jelly.

I've looked everywhere... I just can't seem to find where I left my will to live.

Why did Hitler kill himself?

His gas bill was too high.

I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.

I have a big cock.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Milk man.

Milkman who?

Milk poooooooooooooooop peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep man!

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

Why don't you see any more fat Chinese men?

Because the last Chinese man was in WW2.

Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.

I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.

What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.

Yo mama so fat that when she went to KFC, she asked for the bucket on the roof.

Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

What do you call a bunch of sheep rolling down the hill?

A. A lamb slide.

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.