Worst Jokes Ever
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?
I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.
What’s a cannibal's favorite takeaway shop?
The orphanage.
One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.
Medusa makes men hard.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
There are 4 people on a plane while it's crashing and there are only 3 parachutes. There's Opera, Obama, a little girl, and Trump. Opera grabs a parachute and says, "I'm famous, I get one!" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well, I'm president, of course I get one!" Obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since you're the future of our generation, take the last one." The little girl hugs Obama and says, "Actually, we can both have one. Trump took my backpack!"
You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.
What do you call a whore with a runny nose?
...Full!
When Steven Hawking realizes heaven is only a stairway away.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first?
His lawnmower.
Someone telling a joke:
Boy: "My parents are dead."
Girl: "My grandad is too."
Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"
Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.
What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.
My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."
Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?
Because they have cancer.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.