Worst Jokes Ever
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?
Abo-lanche.
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What’s the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
Titanic was sinking.
Passenger: "How far are we from land?"
Captain: "Two miles."
Passenger: "Which direction?"
Captain: "Down."
According to statistics, 5 of 6 people enjoy gang rape.
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.
I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"
Yo mama so smelly, she’s even banned from the perfume store!