Worst Jokes Ever
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"
When you send nudes to your Roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone...
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?
He had an affair with Alexa.
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
"Amen, "Amen," "Amen."
Hail Satan.
............
Oh, sorry. I forgot which religion I was pretending to respect.
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
A man asks a woman, "Are you a school?"
The woman replies, "No, why?"
The man says, "Oh, I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you."
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.