Worst Jokes Ever
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
What is black and white and red all over?
JFK
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?
Abo-lanche.
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What’s the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
Titanic was sinking.
Passenger: "How far are we from land?"
Captain: "Two miles."
Passenger: "Which direction?"
Captain: "Down."