Worst Jokes Ever

I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.

In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.

Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.

So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."

What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?

With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?

I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.

I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

What's one thing gay people can't draw?

A straight line.

What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.

Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!

What does it take to paint a wall red?

Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.

Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?

A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To end his pain and suffering.

What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?

Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.

The Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin; she was a prostitute. God raped her.