Worst Jokes Ever

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.

Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.

My grandpa was amazing. He killed Hitler.

Me: spreading positivity.

Everyone else at the HIV testing center.

What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.

So this blind man was walking down the street with his stick, right? And he walked past this fish market, he took a deep breath and said, "WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES!"

Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.

Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.

Friend: How dark IS your humor?

Me: It started an organization against cops.

Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.

I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."

Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."

What did the adopted poker player say?

"Will you raise me?"

What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?

An orphan's parents.

What’s the difference between a chromosome and a hormone?

You can hear a hormone.

Women are like the Twin Towers. After you smash them, and if some little people start jumping out, the government is gonna tax the shit outta you.

Me dozing off while driving.

Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.

Yo mama so stupid she threw a Mother's Day party at an orphanage.

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.

My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.