Worst Jokes Ever

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of comedy? Stand up.

What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?

Domi-don't-knows...

Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?

Because it flew over their heads.

A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."

When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?

I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn't fit in the pot.

Why did Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?

So you could read her lips.

What did the angry cow say to its enemy?

"We have beef!"

What's the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, "Once upon a time..." Black begins with, "Y'all motherf...s ain't gonna believe this sh.."

That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.

Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes. XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.

Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.

I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.

Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?

Half of the class: *raises hand*

Teacher: ...

The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*

What's the difference between a water bottle and Africa?

One has water; the other one doesn’t.

What's white and bloody?

Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.

You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.

Nobody

Literally nobody

Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?