Worst Jokes Ever

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

What does a mother fear most?

Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.

When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.

What is another name for a serial rapist? Short dress enthusiast.

If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?

"In my opinion, JFK was the best president."

"Why?"

"He was very open-minded!"

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?

“A sped runner.”

I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!

Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?

A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?

Twin Towers are like genders, there used to be 2.

What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?

I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.

What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."

What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies.

So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.

Your forehead [is] so big that if I drew an H on it, Kobe could have landed there.

Dark humor never gets old, like kids from Africa.

A French Sans would greet you with the "o bone-jour".

Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.

What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?

Are you ready kids?