What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
Worst Jokes Ever
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
What is the best joke of all time?
Feminism.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
If McDonald's is fast food, then Dairy Queen is fast cream.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!
How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?
She lost her taste.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
What's a pedo's favorite snack?
Sour Patch Kids.
