The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."
Worst Jokes Ever
One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.
"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" đđ
As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.
The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."
So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."
A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"
Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"
Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."
Brother:......
Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?
One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.
What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.
Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
Whatâs the difference between football and rape?
Women donât like football.
I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.
Whatâs loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walkerâs Porsche.
All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just wonât stand for it.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.
You have Chinged your last Chong.
They'll never do reverse cowgirl because you never turn your back on family.
How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...
Slavery has existed in the western world for 3 centuries, but in the Arab regions it has existed before and is still going on, so why donât people talk about it?
Because itâs only bad when white people do it.
