Octopus more like octopussy
If bedbugs live beds were do cockroaches live?
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, „My friend is dead! What can I do?“. The operator says „Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.“ There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says „OK, now what?“
What do Orphans say on Father's day?
Well not happy father's day
yo mama so fat you can see her from 100000000000000000000000000 galaxy's away
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: „That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!“ The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: „The driver just insulted me!“ The man says: „You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.“
Me: Hey, are you going to Sawcon?
Sensei: What is that?
Me: Saw con deez nu...
Sensei: Oh, is it for people with ligma?
Me: What’s ligm...
Sensei:😈
Me: no no no no
Sensei: Ligma ba...
Are you roblox cuz I wanna play ya all day
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger It's Morphine Time
Instead of the line 'This girls on fire', my friend can relate to 'The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the fuck out'
Are You Shane Dawson Because I can Be Your Pussy
my girlfriend's a two but she's turning 3 to tomorrow
What is Spiderman's favourite rice Uncle Ben
One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...
...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose
Slow and steady wins the race...
...but it will never fix your ugly face
What do you call a priest who became a singer Michael Jackson
Why was 10 scared? Cause he saw 9 rape 11
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain. The email reads: „Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here“.
Boss: Can I do a reference check.
Me: I don’t have a...
*sensei appears*
Me: oh no
Sensei: He was a good student but he lacked kizma
Boss: Whats kiz...
Sensei:😈
Me: oh no here we go.
Sensei: kizma AS-
Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals. In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky. The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud"
