There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.
Worst Jokes Ever
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)
Enough with the Nazi jokes.
They make me führeious!
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you take Kirby’s food, he will stab you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
The apples get picked.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
You look like something I drew with my left hand.
If a lion ate a child, is the lion a child predator?
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
What's the difference between an orphan and a trash bag?
At least the trash bag gets picked.
Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.
I got a call from McDonald's; they want their sign back.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
