Worst Jokes Ever

A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”

Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.

I used to think all Americans were racist.

Now I've changed my mind. They DID elect an orange president.

My cousin is a surgeon.

Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.

Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?

Because daddy never came back home with the milk.

Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.

I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.

Trump wants people to think he's a great golfer. But the only handicap he has is a mental one.

Q. What's the difference between Trump and a piece of shit? A. Shit isn't orange.

My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":

Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

Why is the Z the only politically correct letter?

Because all the other letters are not Z's.

I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.

Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.

In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.

Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.

A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.

Зуе ? Д \| |=- (L j3 Ø И [- 4

Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.

I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.