Worst Jokes Ever

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?

Special head.

What’s the best part about stage four cancer?

There’s no stage five.

Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

Why do witches wear name tags?

So they know which witch is which!

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.

Q. What's a necrophiliac's favorite dating site? A. Find a Grave.

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?

Are you 7/11 or 9/11?

The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.

I replied, "No. Is that still required?"

Q. What does a slutty mermaid get? A. Crabs.

Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?

All his comebacks take three days.

Hey, guy, you suck! Why do I suck? Because you're the one that's sucking juice out of a straw.

Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.

I think one of my dads might be gay.