I hate these double standards.
if you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job" if you do it at home you're "destroying evidence"
How did Helen keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
Steven Hawking said there is no God, Then God said there is no Steven Hawking
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide, the librarian responds with ”fuck off you won’t bring it back!”
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterwords he's sitting the the doctor's office and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem doesn’t make sense, washing machine.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What do you call a 5 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.
Hey God what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire
sounds like a match made in heaven
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
YOU GET A MILKSHAKE!
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?
A kindergarden.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.
A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!
Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.
