Worst Jokes Ever

I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

I was going to think of a good amputee joke...

But I’m stumped.

What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.

What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?

Reality.

9/11 wasn’t a terrorist attack, it was the world’s introduction to Sky Football

Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.

He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."

Your mom is so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory!

When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”

Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"

Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?

My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!

And he's not even left the house yet!!!

Said the man angered to his wife:

"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.

I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."

How does she know I have that?

Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and rights.

Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!

When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.

Stop the cap.

Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?