Worst Jokes Ever
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
What do you call a group of black men hanging from a tree?
Alabama wind chimes.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
what's another name for cumming inside of a woman?
loading the dishwasher.
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.
What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman?
One's a superhero, one's a command.
What do you call an orange on a small stick?
Donald Trump.
Donald Trump is proud of being white, which is strange, considering he's orange. Makes you wonder why he didn't pull a Michael Jackson and bleach his own skin....
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
What did Hitler get for his birthday?
A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.
What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?
Black matter leaves an impact.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
What do you call a depressed a cappella group?
Self-Harmony.
Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?
Because Black people can’t swim.
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.
Same person.
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.