Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What do you call a little girl without arms and legs?
A: Names.
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
Who am I rooting for during the Super Bowl? Easy. Taylor Swift.
President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon.
Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.
What's black and white and black and white and black and white and red and black and white and white and black and red and red and black and red and white and black and red and red and red and red?
A penguin in a blender.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
Why are women like KFC?
After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.
What has four legs and one arm? A doberman at the playground.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.
"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"
The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.