Woman

Woman jokes

A German soldier was walking down the street in a hail storm and a woman got hit unconscious. He ran over to see if she was ok. Other people came running over. They asked what happened, and the German soldier said, "Hail hit her."

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you ain't already told her twice.

So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

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    • A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."

    A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.

    The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.

    After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."

    Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"

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    • I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."

    So, this woman woke up since she had a bad dream and was yelling about her bad dream. Then, in the bed, her husband woke up and said, "Hey! You just woke me up in a sweet dream!" She said, "Oh, sorry babe." Then she asked him what his dream was about, and he responded like, "I was with a woman; me and her was in the middle of dreamy sex; you just ruined it!" She said, "AAAAh!" He asked her what her dream was about, then she replied as, "I was trying to suck a man's penis, and a cock trying to get cummiee out of it!"

    One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

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    • Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."

    An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.

    The man says, "Will you move your dog?"

    The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.

    The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"

    When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.

    A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.

    The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

    What do the initials NOW stand for?

    (A.) National Organization For Women

    (B.) National Organization of Whores

    (C.) All the above

    Answer:

    Since the initials NOW can stand for anything, the correct answer is all the above.

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    • I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣