Woman jokes
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Surprise egg.
90,900,00,1090,279402% of girls are raped. 67% of women are raped. So I guess girls are sexier than women! Who agrees? Please comment: Good or Bad.
Gwen pegs Xavier.
What do you call a thirsty girl?
An H2Hoe.
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.
123 bipity bopity 321. Women are property.
A woman walked up to me and asked me for a joke. I stood there with a straight face knowing women can't be funny.
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
What do you call a lost Indian woman? Ms. Singh.
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
I just had a birthday party last week at my crib. I invited two fine, beautiful looking women. One was skinny and her name was Kelly, and the other one was overweight and her name was Chiquita.
Both of them came by. I told Chiquita only Kelly can stay and enjoy my birthday. You can't, you're too fat and clumsy, and I don't have any food or drinks for you, so see ya later, nutty professor.
Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"
Woman: "Sure."
Man: "How about for ten dollars?"
Woman: "What do you think I am?"
Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."
What do you call a fat woman that prays?
A holy cow.
A German soldier was walking down the street in a hail storm and a woman got hit unconscious. He ran over to see if she was ok. Other people came running over. They asked what happened, and the German soldier said, "Hail hit her."
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you ain't already told her twice.
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."