Woman jokes
What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
One day a Chief was talking to his son... "Son," the father said, "Long ago the Woman didn't have anybody to take her to BINGO. So, the Creator put the Woman to sleep and cut off her butt cheeks and made her a Man. That's why today Indian Women have no butt, and the Men are called Buttheads!"
I always felt like a man trapped in a woman's body. But then I was born.
But in my defense, I was young then, and I had a womb without a view.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.
What do you call a mix of nuts, bolts, and my ex?
A roTHOT.
How to get your woman to come upstairs? Say you are naked.
If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.
Yo mama's so fat, she used a telephone pole as a tampon.
Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.
What do you call a bad bitch? You call them stupid bitches.
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
My woman told me that she wants to have sex with me, and I said, "Let's go at it." She said, "Shut up and kiss me on all my pillows."
Trump goes to a bar and sees Hillary Clinton. He goes up to her and says, "Buy me a drink." She replies angrily, "Get your own drinks. What kind of a man asks a woman to buy him a drink?" Trump responds, "The kind that will grab you by the p***y."