Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Who make hard candy for the kids?
Solve.
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.
There's 10 kind of people in the world. -- Those who know binary and those who don't.
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8.
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
