Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?
A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed a politician in the jungle yesterday?
I hear it hurt like hell.
Knock knock. Who's there? Bad joke.
What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A.
A who?
A-bless you!
Who's never the last man standing?
Stephen Hawking.
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.
*knock knock*
Who's there!
Not Sarah.
Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
What do you call a pedophile who's dying? You.
Sally fell off the swing.
Sally has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Who make hard candy for the kids?
Solve.
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.
