USA jokes
Smoking a fag in the UK means to smoke a cigarette.
Smoking a fag in the USA means to kill a homosexual.
USA: "Never forget 9/11."
Brits: "What happened on the 9th of November?"
Why can’t the USA play chess?
Because they lost their two towers.
Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.
What's the difference between Canada and the USA?
In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.
In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.
The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.
The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.
Japan takes credit for creating the rice cooker, but they forgot the USA made the largest one in 1945 and sent it to Japan.
Why can’t Americans play chess?
They lost 2 towers.
Why are the UK and the USA bad at playing chess?
Because they lost 2 towers and their queen.
Why were the UK and the USA bad at chess?
Because they lost their queen and two towers.
The USA guaranteeing freedom of speech is the biggest joke I've heard... Tell that to the people who were almost killed because their cars had "NASCAR Sucks" and "Country and Western is rubbish" on them!
If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
Idaho... Alaska!
You ever notice that the USA could be a part of Russia?
RUSSIA US A
You’re so fat,
that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Jets versus towers, USA lost two.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
*America shoots down balloon*
China: "You killed an innocent man!!"
USA: "What?!"
China: "Yes, he was a famous sumo wrestler."