Twos jokes

This midget in my school has two moms. I said, "Did your dad go get the milk?" He told me to shut up. I said, "I don’t shut up, I grow up like you should."

Person one: Why did the boy go home?

Person two: Why?

Person one: Because he had PHOAM work to do!

Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.

One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"

The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"

What has two names and one big home?

A person.

I wrote a few jokes:

What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.

Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.

What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.

What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?

A Catholic priest.

Watersharky Music Productions Presents As It Was by Harry Styles.

Holdin' me back Gravity's holdin' me back I want you to hold out the palm of your hand Why don't we leave it at that?

Nothin' to say When everything gets in the way Seems you cannot be replaced And I'm the one who will stay, oh-oh-oh

In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same

Answer the phone "Harry, you're no good alone Why are you sitting at home on the floor? What kind of pills are you on?"

Ringin' the bell And nobody's coming to help Your daddy lives by himself He just wants to know that you're well, oh-oh-oh

In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same

Go home, get ahead, light-speed internet I don't wanna talk about the way that it was Leave America, two kids follow her I don't wanna talk about who's doin' it first.

Two men walk into a bar, and they both hit their heads.

How do Mexicans begin counting?

Juan, Two, Three.

When the Two Towers ordered pizza, all they got was plane.

Hello my fellow Americans, I'm playing Clash Royale for the USA clan, and two towers are already gone?

What kind of pizza did the twin towers order?

Two large plains.

What's two lesbians in a tent?

A finger hut.

Two Indians went to a fine restaurant. They ordered parathas with curry. HAHAHAHAHA

It’s like I always tell my kids:

"Two in the pink, one in the stink."

Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.

One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

Why did two 4s skip dinner? Because they already ate.

What has two legs and is red all over?

Half a cat.

Digga D, I'm a well known bandit, bandit. Had a new mash, just landed. Jheez, cop it, chop it, sand it, hand it. The verbal ting I can't stand it. Wife and two, got tanned when I banged it. Mad ting. Got a conspiracy case in the silliest Place, they're saying that I planned it, damn it. Back on a Feltham landing. You ain't been in the hood like Robin. I ride in hoods tryna leave man red (Crud). The sweets are goldy, yola drops and lots of dred (Maud). No porkies, pepper them pigeons, they chase this ped. Gyal tryna give man noddy, She ain't got balls in her tongue that's dead.

Two guys are on a plane. One of the guys' name is Jack. The other is Peter.

Peter: "Hi Jack."

Flight Attendant: "You're going to hijack the plane?!?"

Jack: "No, my name is Ja-"

Flight Attendant: "Everybody stay calm! These two men are going to hijack the plane!"

Jack: "No, no. My name is Jack and my friend here is an idiot."