Toddler jokes

The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.

What’s the difference between Jesus and the toddler in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin.

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.

What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.

What’s the hardest part about f...ing toddlers?

My boner.

Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.

What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?

One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)

What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.