Theology jokes

I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.

I think God is cool with abortion.

After all, he did kill his only son.

How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?

God fucked her.

God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:

God: No, I don’t want to.

What's your religion?

God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.

Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?

He didn't give me any.

I was made by the Devil.

I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?

HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.

Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?

Jesus was drinking when he made you.

I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.

I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!

Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?

Search up biblically accurate angels.

Maggot.

If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?

Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.

If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

Why does Satan worship himself?

Jesus told him to worship God.