Their jokes

Why do orphans hate hide n seek?

'Cause they can't find their parents.

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?

Their focus is always off.

Why do Indians have a red dot on their head?

Because they're recording.

If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and all over their land.

Why are fish easy to measure?

Because they bring their own scales.

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.

Double!

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

Triple!

Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.

Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.

What’s one thing orphans don’t have on their computer? A home page.

If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.

Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.