The jokes
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
Why did the sped kid get expelled?
Because he was tardy.
Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.
Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.
Husband: The second we entered the beach,
Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"
2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.
Why did the Titanic sink?
Because the people aboard are stupid.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
What’s black and at the top of a stair case?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
"You can drink drinks, but you can't food foods."
-Sun Tzu, The Art Of Food
"You cannot win a war without a war."
-Sun Tzu, *The Art Of War*
Yo mama so fat and old, she is the reason the Great Depression happened.
You're so poor that you die and go to the backrooms.
Your hairline goes back to the first century.
Why could you not see the guy in my dark closet?
The guy was black.
Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!
Why did so many people die in the Grenfell Fire Disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
The Eagles when they actually thought they were gonna win the Super Bowl. 😹
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.