The jokes
A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"
Blind guy says, "Just looking around."
Heard the Helen Keller single?
It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?
He has no legs...
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.
What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?
Putting the diaper back on.
Why did the cow steal an AK-47?
He was a mooslim.
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"
Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
An old man walks in a forest with a child, and the child says, "It's dark, and I'm scared." The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out alone."
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
Teacher: What is the capital of Washington?
Dumb kid: The W???
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
Stupid joke about Stephen Hawking that wasn't funny the first fucking time.
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!