The jokes
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Why did the Mafia cross the road?
Forget about it...
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Just cut the rope.
What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?
Why?
So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers mad? They wanted a drive-through pepperoni pizza, but got a fly-through plane instead.
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
"Ching chong, drop the bomb!"
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
Bin Laden was the hide and seek champion for 10 years, 2001-2011.
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.
So I ended up doing the YMCA.
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
The reason I'm gay is because I'm scared of getting cooties.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...