The jokes

What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?

A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie?

The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Why? The boy who was in the bubble.

Michael Jackson was the King of Pop until he got burned by Pepsi. Now, Pepsi is the hero, and now, we know the rest of the story.

Why does Michael Jackson like football, baseball, and tennis? Because of the "balls".

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein?

Only difference between Michael and Jeffrey is Epstein wasn't a smooth criminal, and Michael was.

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?

Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.

When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

What do you call a child version of Batman?

The Raped Crusader.

When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What did Spiderman say on September 11th, 2001?

"Look out, Here comes the Spiderman!"

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower? I can’t talk right now, I gotta catch a plane.

What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.

What do you call a black man on the moon?

An astronaut, you fucking racist.

Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

I guess it really IS all in the execution.

I got you the candy. Haha! You idiot, it's poison!