The Suicide jokes
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.
What is a group of depressed kids called? They are called the "Suicide Squad."
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
What do you call an emo dating another emo?
The suicide duo.
Suicide gives you security for the future.
Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
The suicide squad.
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
Why did the suicidal person cross the road?
To slow down traffic!
What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.
Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.
Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
I have a joke about suicide, but I’ll just let it hang.