Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
Name 1 way to decrease overpopulation:
Get rid of all the suicide prevention lines so the suicidal people can kill themselves.
[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"
[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0
Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.
I can't believe the suicide hotline put my cousin on hold. They left him hanging
What is an emo's favourite movie? The suicide squad
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
i called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan and they asked if i could pilot a plane
What do you call an emo dating another emo?
The suicide duo.
What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common?they both can’t hear their parents
Why can’t an orphan go to family dollar?they don’t have a family
Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up u gotta fight the suicide squad
When you have to fight an emo kid but he brings his friends so you gotta fight the suicide squad. But you gotta get da bois to help you
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers? Hang in there.
what do you call a group of emos?... The Suicide Squad.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
The suicide squad.
