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Ten

Ten jokes

A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

The man asks, "Ten what?"

Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

  • 0

    • A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

    Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

    Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

  • 6

    • Top ten dog breeds:

    10. Dogs

    9. Are

    8. Beautiful

    7. Animals

    6. And

    5. Judgement

    3. Is

    2. Cruel

    1. Dachshund

    I went into a CS:Go lobby and all I heard for ten minutes straight was, "Act like you're hard, but your dad beat you harder."

    The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

  • 5

    • What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

    Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

    I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.

    I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

    A man found out that he was going to die.

    A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"

    Then he died and learned how to say no in German....

    I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

    Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.