Survival

Survival jokes

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Child

    • I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

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    • Marriage

    • My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

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    Fortnite

    • In pixels and polygons, a virtual realm unfolds, A battleground where warriors gather, young and old. A game of wits and strategy, a dance of skill and might, Behold the phenomenon, the world of Fortnite.

    What is Fortnite, you ask, this digital sensation? A realm where dreams are forged, in endless animation. A world of endless possibilities, where heroes rise and fall, A tapestry of triumph, where victory calls.

    From humble beginnings, a storm begins to brew, A hundred souls drop down, with dreams anew. An island vast and varied, a landscape to explore, From verdant meadows to urban cities, the battles roar.

    With pickaxe in hand, we gather resources with haste, Wood, metal, and stone, the foundation of our base. We build and we craft, constructing our fort, A fortress of defense, where enemies are fought.

    The storm looms ever closer, a force we can't deny, Pushing us closer together, as time quickly flies. We strategize and plan, our tactics ever shifting, In this ever-shrinking world, our spirits uplifting.

    Weapons and loot, scattered throughout the land, We arm ourselves with firepower, take our final stand. Shotguns, rifles, explosives, and more, In this game of survival, we even the score.

    But Fortnite is more than just a battle royale, A canvas for creativity, where imaginations set sail. From creative mode to party royale, a world of endless fun, With friends and strangers, united as one.

    Yet amidst the chaos, let's not forget, Fortnite is but a game, a virtual vignette. For beyond the pixels and the storms that rage, Lies a world that beckons, beyond the digital stage.

    So let us embrace the joy that Fortnite brings, A tapestry of moments, where victory sings. For in this realm of pixels and dreams, Fortnite shines bright, a testament it seems.

    So gather your friends, embark on this quest, In the realm of Fortnite, put your skills to the test. For in the end, it's not just about the game we play, But the bonds we form, as we dance and slay.

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    Pilot

    • You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

    Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

    You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

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    • Plane Ticket

    • Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.

    Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

    People

    • I have a riddle for you:

    10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.

    Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”

    Once he eats it, he starts crying.

    Why?

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    Fire

    • Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he'll be warm the rest of his life.

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    • Chuck Norris

    • Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

    Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

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    Fire

    • Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a few hours. Light him on fire, he'll be warm the rest of his life.

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    • God

    • I’m a god, and I’m here to flex on you bitches. My flight to New York on September 11th was rocky, but I lived.

    Imagine dying on a plane, fr. At least try and respawn:/