Surveillance jokes
What is one dream that Michael Joseph Jackson made come to life? He loved to say: "Somebody's watching me."
Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
What's the difference between a school in Pakistan and an Al Qaeda base?
Not too sure. I just fly the drone.
What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?
The drone guy didn't know either.
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.
I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!
What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?
They both see things they shouldn't.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.
The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk, but only one person knows about it.
What do you call 2 spies fucking?
Undercover.
What do you call security outside a Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
When I hired a Asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:
Mr. Wong - I see he, so I climb up tree. He knock on door and she let him in. She talks to him, he talks to she. He undresses she, she undresses he. She plays with he, he plays with she. I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see... No fee.