SOS jokes

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I pray God I'm not so ugly as you.

Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.

Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.

She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.

If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.

Your mama's so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, it said, "Viewer discretion advised!"

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"

You're so ugly the densest told you to lay face down.

Why was the orphan so famous?

Because when they asked him go big or go home, he only had one option.

"Bully," omg, that girl is so ugly.

"Me," Wait, what...ever.

If there was a zombie apocalypse, girls would make a "forehead apocalypse" since it is so big.

Why are my students so naughty?

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

So there is someone who doesn't know what an armadillo is.

He then sees one. He asks it a question, "What are you?"

The armadillo replies, "Armadillo."

The person says: "What's a dilo?"

Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!