SOS jokes

I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.

It didn't work.

Yo mama so fat, her belly button got 15 minutes before her.

My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.

Yo mama so fat, when she play a game, everybody lags.

When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."

You're so fat that when you were born, the nurse mistook you for the father.

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Your hairline is so long that Odell Beckham Jr. missed a catch and saw your hairline from a mile away!

Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.

So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.

The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"

The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"

Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.

So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.

My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"

You're so short that you use a ladder to reach a dime.

Why was the stadium so cold?

Because of all its fans!

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.

"Hey, you! Why are you so serious?"

Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!