What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
You're an alcoholic!
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
Congratulations to Avicii for passing his 3 day mile stone of sobriety!
