Your mum is so fat, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Today, I had an exam in school. When I was done, I raised my hand and yelled, “Pisstiano Penaldo!”
My teacher smiled and took my paper. She knew I was finished.
TommyInnit said, "Long live the Queen." Look at where she's at now.
Well, yo mama is fat, and when she loses weight, all the food that she has is hers, but the Africans get none.
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
Yo mama so fat that when she went to take a crap... she couldn't even take a crap!
Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.
Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀
Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.
Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”
Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”
Friend: Hi, orphan.
Orphan: Tell me a yo momma joke.
Friend: ummm
Orphan: Exactly, U can't.
Friend: Yo momma so disappointed she left!
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
What do you call Joyce when she's running from the Russians?
Winona Hider.
My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.
Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"
"Yeah, I'm taking her home."
He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."
This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.
I am a God. Na, na, na, na, na, na. Yeah.
She's got makeup by the mirror in her bedroom, Thigh-high fishnets and some black boots, Nose pierced with the cigarette perfume, Half dead, but she still looks so cute. She is a monster in disguise, And she knows all the words to the trap songs, Takes pic's with a cherry-red lipstick, Says she only dates guys with a big..., mmm
When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.
FUCKING MENT
Did you know that Helen keller had a pet monkey? No Neither did she
I raped a disabled child.
I think she's too far gone to repair now.
One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!!
Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!
So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."
I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'
I don't need this shit!
Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.
