Shes jokes

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”

I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!

She needs a flat surface cleaner.

Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To Be Continued."

She's a 10, but she doesn't like sex.

Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.

Ur mom is so fat that when she came to the front door, she was already at the back door.

Yo mama so fat, when she was just there, she made the whole earth go back to the ice age!

Did you know Helen Keller had a dollhouse in her backyard?

No, and neither did she.

My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.

Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry.

Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."

Yo mama so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?

Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."

Therapist: That's not so bad.

Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."

I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.

Why were her hands purple?

She heard it through the grapevine.

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."