Seem jokes

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills. The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?" She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers." The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?" The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!" "That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?" The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."

I would try to make a Fortnite joke, but I can't seem to build on it.

By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.

Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

What's the difference between depression and a girl?

XXXTentacion can't seem to beat depression.

Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.

Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.

Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.