Reliability jokes

Why did the pen stop writing?

'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.

"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."

A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.

He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.

Wanna hear some famous last words?

"We are just experiencing some turbulence."

To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.

The USA guaranteeing freedom of speech is the biggest joke I've heard... Tell that to the people who were almost killed because their cars had "NASCAR Sucks" and "Country and Western is rubbish" on them!

pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.

passengers: *start freaking out*

pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.

passengers: *sigh with relief*

pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?