Re Jokes

You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC

why can't Americans play chess

because they're missing two towers

Doctor: I've got good news and bad news Patient: What's the good news? Doctor: I've got u flowers Patient: Awww, What's the bad news? Doctor: *They're for your grave*

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards? Yeah, they're pretty holey.

You're the type of person to play girl on fire during a funeral

You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?

European

What’s the difference between a zit and a catholic priest?

A zit waits till you’re 13 to come on your face

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

Why can’t Indian women drive?

They’re too used to riding their camels

You're so skinny that you use Chapstick as deodorant.

Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend

Friend: wow thanks, i'm rich!

Robin [narrows eyes]: you're what

the last thing i told my ex after we broke up was “at least we’re still cousins”😂

🧀:C’mon tomato!

🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.

🧀:You’re a mile away.

🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.

I'm a big fan of white boards I find them... Re markable.

I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me

A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.

The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.

The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: "Well...We're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny's father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" HIs father is confused. "What do you mean?" He asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me "what's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.