If you’re ever bored, just rape an orphan! What’re the gonna do, tell their parents?
Q:There was two tampons walking down the road the other day guess what they said to each other
A:nothing cause they're both stuck up cunts
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that...I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.
I guess hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.
"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores." Hitler: "Mine less, then."
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER."
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"
Why don't dinosaurs lay eggs? Because they're EGGstinct!
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?".
A mother and son were in the backyard and the son finished building a shed. The mother says "You're the best husband ever"
Knock knock, who’s there? Queen, Queen who? You don’t know the queen you’re crazy
Sonic says: If you're bored, Punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? tell their parents?
“Mum I just won this phone in a race!” “Who was in the race?” “The owner of the phone And the police I think they’re at the door to congratulate me!”
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn"
Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were "You're standing on my oxygen tube"
What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple? A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
A wife says to her husband 'you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back' 'what do you expect' he says 'you're in a fucking wheelchair'
How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?
Once you take away the legs and the breasts you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.
If you're in Alabama family reunions are basically speed dating events.
why do Emos love Christmas? so they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. hope u liked it, happy holidays!
