If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote " don't be dumb make sure they're numb and always use a condom!"
I like my women like my family, they’re related
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common? They're both fun to flip off.
it's not rape if we're both screaming
surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that they're arms don't get tired..
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit i forgot but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. 🖌
Whenever you're mad just punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
I never get school shooting jokes. Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience
What time is it when you’re kids stay home 🏡 from school? Say no more
Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again.
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling
You’re so poor, when you kicked a can, a man asked “Are you moving?”
Man to woman: Would you sleep with me for one million dollars? Woman: Sure. Man: How about for ten dollars? Woman: What do you think I am? Man: We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
