You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded, what is the first thing you do? Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
How do you know you’re ugly? If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
Suicide is just self defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
If I'm racist for voting Trump, then you're a pedophile for voting Biden.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!
What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
A guy finds a genie...
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
Why can’t orphans have a five-star GTA because they’re not wanted
Roses are red Violets are blue We're gonna make love Because I'm stronger than you
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
Teacher I was a orphan once
Student oof
Teacher who are we missing
Student you’re parents
If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.
Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile
you're so ugly that Everytime you look up in the sky god say sorry can't help you
I once saw a one handed man in a second hand store. I said to him: "i don't think they have what you're looking for sir"
