My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter, as I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set and the entire animal shelter was burned down. A few hours later I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why, I replied "I couldn't find any" She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?
About a dog
A blonde, redhead and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.
After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"
The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"
The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"
"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.
The three go back to conversing and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.
"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.
"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.
"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.
"I was on top!"
All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.
"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.
"I'm having puppies!"
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
Why was the dog staying in the shade? Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of wall street
"How was your day?" "It was great" "what was so great about it?" "i saw a puppy" "awww" "and i ran over it :)"
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.
A blonde, burnette and a red-head are running from the police. They come across an old shack, with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the burnette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the red-head. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POtaTOES!!" And gets arrested.
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
̈Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick! ̈ *shows muscle*
Named my dog syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say “get Down syndrome”
