I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
Why do pills work?
Because they are white.
If you need to squint to read this...
You probably need glasses.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
Do this on a calculator.
There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.
