Postal Service jokes

Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!

Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!

¿Qué hizo el cartero enojado?

Estampó su feeeeeeet!!!

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.

You're so fat your ass has 2 zip codes.

On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.

I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

Police: Where do you live?

Me: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live?

Me: With me.

Police: Where do you all live?

Me: Together.

Police: Where is your house?

Me: Next to my neighbor.

Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?

Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.

Police: Tell me.

Me: Next to my house.

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An envelope.